There are always situations on the Phoenix Light Rail that always seem to make me laugh or perhaps die of laughter. Stories that are always blog-worthy, and maybe, just maybe even repost-worthy. But I’ve noticed some new sort of fad that has risen amongst the light rail locals…and that is love.

Almost everyday, I sit down at my usual seat, (which is now, more specifically, the last seat of the first cart in the back) and turn on my iPod. I lean my head against the window and start looking around the train. And I swear, it’s like a Taylor Swift music video. Everyday there is a new couple that just make my heart melt. And of course, what do I do? Turn on some Taylor Swift to set the mood. Here are just a few stories of love that I’ve seen.

The first couple I saw were very strange. The man had an incredibly huge beer belly, tattoos covering his entire body, including his forehead, and a nice long goat-tee. His wife was somewhat heavy-set with a nice large tattoo of I Love Lucy on her arm. (Who’s to judge though, right?) After I got over the absurdity of their appearances, I started to notice the way they acted toward each other. They were holding hands and he whispered to her, which I could only guess, “I love you.” When he said it, he just starred  into her eyes. She got the biggest smile on her face and loudly said, “I love you a lot more.” He rolled his eyes and then started to tickle her. They started somewhat wrestling in the aisle and then it got awkward for me to watch so I turned my head. But it was completely obvious that they loved each other so much. Gave me hope.

A few days later, I was listening to the Juno Soundtrack on my iPod and noticed this elderly couple sitting in the back of the train. They were probably around the age of 80. He had his arm around her and she was resting her head on his shoulder. He would start to kiss her forehead every 5 minutes or so, but she acted entirely surprised every time he would do it. It was beautiful. I know you dumb boys reading this are saying, “Ew that’s gross. You should have told them to get a room.” But that’s you seeing the shallow side of it. The beauty of their love was ageless. A romance that lasted decades, a love that never ended. It made my heart melt. I started to imagine what their story was. Made me realize that there’s still hope for true love out there. Hopefully a love that is ageless like that elderly couple’s.

Staytunedformore.

Of all the light rail experiences I have had, today was by far, one of the funniest. There were a few things about today’s experience that made me giggle. Here are the key terms of today’s story: bee, butch woman, very large Samoan man, and a newspaper.

I had left school early today, so the train was pretty empty. I sat in my normal seat (if you haven’t paid attention in my last posts, it’s facing the back of the light rail).  First of all, almost everyday I have the same train driver on the way home from school. He, for some reason, doesn’t know how to slow down before breaking for a stop. He just stops. And wa-la! You’re there. Well, you’re no longer in your seat or in any case, on your feet. I usually feel a bit nauseous after riding home. Anyway, I was praying today we would have the nice driver who knows how to slow down. But, lucky me, I got the break happy one. 

So the light rail takes off and I’m sitting in my seat listening to my music. I’m kinda scanning the cart when I notice a bee was trapped inside. It flew around the train, buzzing in people’s ears and I just couldn’t help but giggle at these people nonchalantly trying to swat this bee away. I knew that these people really wanted to just scream and run to the other side, but they were playing it cool. Finally, I started to drift off into a day dream when I heard this loud scream. I slightly jumped and looked up to see this very large, manly woman run across the cart to the other side.  She was terrified of this bee. So across the way from her, this young girl, probably 18 or 19, grabs her text book, and starts smacking the bee as hard as she could. 

Let’s back up for a second, so this butch woman sees the bee, screams and runs away. Then this little girl grabs her HUGE textbook and starts hitting this bee like it’s a man trying to attack her. Kind of strange, but by now, I’m holding back laughter.

Unfortunately, the large textbook did not kill the bee. It started flying around by me now, not so funny anymore. 

Behind me, was an extremely large Samoan man sleeping against the window, when the bee landed right above his head. The older man behind him had a newspaper in his hand. He looked at me and said, “Should I do it?” I nodded with him in agreement. So, the bee was sitting on the window, then all of a sudden, the older man smacked the bee as hard as he could right above the sleeping Samoan. SMACK! It made this loud sound and the man jumped out of his seat…pretty pissed. I turn around as fast as I could, now I had tears coming out of my eyes from laughing. The Samoan man turned to the older man behind him and was about to sock him in the face when I said “NO NO NO! There was a bee above your head and he killed it!” 

The Samoan man gave me one of those side smiles and fell back asleep. 

The bee was dead! Thank you kind man with the newspaper! 

Alright, I know I am all over the place with the order of these events, but who cares! 

Today was the first day of my sophomore year at ASU and my first time taking classes at the Downtown campus, so my stomach was freaking out! I had only taken the light rail a few times but not by myself. I didn’t understand the whole “Rule” system at this time. I decided that this year I was going to take my sea foam green beach cruiser because my classes are separated by 9 city blocks, with 15 minutes between each class. 

So I get on the light rail at 7:30am, rush hour of course, and it’s packed. I walk over to the middle section where the bike racks are, thinking everyone is totally mad at me for bringing my bike. And of course, I have to lift my 500 lb bike up and hang it with the light rail moving. The handle bars socked me in the face a few times, enough for me to be completely embarrassed. Finally, this short man takes the bike from me and hangs it up.I thanked him very graciously and sat down. The man who helped me was named Joseph. I remember because he kind of looked like an extremely short George Lopez. Don’t ask why I remember Joseph from that but I do. He started asking about my major, my future career, etc etc. I told him that I’m majoring in Criminal Justice and Criminology and I want to work for ICE and rescue girls from Sex Trafficking. So, the rest of the time, he talked to me about Drug Trafficking, and how awesome it is that I want to go help stop the war with drugs…close enough I guess. 

Once it was my stop to get off, he helped me get my bike down and told me where I needed to go to get to my classes. 

While I was riding my bike, and going down Van Buren (to my class, not to pick up hookers), I thought about Joseph and how caring he was. I know it wasn’t that big of a deal, but for about 5 minutes, everyone else on the light rail watched as my bike handles knocked me out. But as soon as he got on the rail, he immediately came and helped. I see God’s love and grace everywhere! The little things are the ones that shine. 

After school, I got back on the light rail and no one helped me put the bike on the rack. So I was standing there holding it when the the train took off and my bike just rolled right out of my hands down the isle and into this girl wearing a sorority t-shirt. Woops.

So, remember my 2nd rule of riding the light rail? When someone has their bag down on the seat next to them, that means do not sit there. Well this rule applies to everyone. Of course I, myself, follow these strict guidelines. That’s why I put my bag down next to me because I’d rather not deal with a smelly homeless man that spits his sunflower seeds into an old tuna can for my 45 minute light rail ride. But that’s for a different time.

As for today…there is another type of person I’d rather not sit by me. A few weeks earlier, I sighted this short, around 40-year-old man with a pink shirt and pink backpack passing out these pamphlets on the light rail. He was just plain creepy. Creepy meaning I think he might have a few wives back home, one of which is probably around the age of 13. Anyways, last time I saw him, he was passing out these religious pamphlets out to all the young hispanic girls on the train. (I would say which religion…but I think I am going to leave that out of this story so I don’t offend anyone.) Once he made eye contact with me, he tried to hand me one but in good manners I said, “No, thank you.” 

Every week I see him but do my absolute best to avoid him. He has the same M.O. which is, you know, pink shirt, pink backpack, UNBELIEVABLY creepy smile, and passes out the pamphlets to the all young hispanic girls. (And then me, which is odd.) So today I was able to sit as far away from him as possible, or so I thought. I found my usual seat, facing the back of the metro, when I spotted him on the other side. On the complete other side, sitting next to this old woman. All of a sudden, our eyes locked. He saw me. He got that creepy smile on his face and started to get up (while the train is moving) and walk across the cart. I turned the volume on my iPod as loud as it could go and put my jacket, bag, laptop bag, EVERYTHING I HAD and set it on the seat next to me. I look up…he’s still walking, smiling at me, I turn my head and looked out the window, praying he wouldn’t see me. Alas, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I turn over and he asks, “May I sit with you?” Really? Really? RULE NUMBER FREAKING TWO! Does he not realize he just violated Rule #2?! “Sure.” 

The entire light rail ride, he sat there, right next to me, smiling, trying to sit a pamphlet on my lap. You could imagine my joy.

Final Thoughts: I know I said this is all about the incredible stories behind these real people. But, this guy was just a plain creep. And it’s a pretty funny story. So I had to tell. Don’t worry, it’ll soon get better.

One thing I’ve noticed about the Valley Metro Light Rail system is that it is kind of like the subway in New York City. There is this unspoken agreement that you make when you are a routine rider. There are a few things you should know: First, don’t ever look another person in the eyes. Second, if someone has their bag on the seat next to them, it’s there for a reason. And third, don’t think that you can get away with eavesdropping on other people’s conversations without them noticing. These rules are held to the highest level on the light rail. Right? Well you wouldn’t think so…but let’s start off with today’s story, and you’ll start to realize what these rules mean throughout my days.

Today I thought I barely caught the light rail, which is always awkward because you think they are going to close the doors on you so you run in, sometimes yelling at the driver to hold on (which makes no sense because he/she cannot hear you), you get in and it’s an almost empty cart, then the train doesn’t leave for another 5 minutes. But, that’s not from personal experience or anything. Just hypothetical. 

So I found my seat which faced the back of the light rail and I spotted this man standing on the opposite side facing me. I was wearing my cool new Ray Bans so I could people watch without them noticing me. (Don’t think I’m creepy because I know for a fact you do the same thing.) I had my head phones on but I could see he was on his cell phone, he was looking pretty pissed. So I slyly took each head phone off so I could hear what he was saying. This is what I got, “I’M ON THE LIGHT RAIL! I’LL BE THERE IN 10 MINUTES AND I’M GOING TO KICK YOUR (insert bad word)! DON’T YOU DARE TRY AND HIDE FROM ME. I’M ON MY WAY TO KICK YOUR (insert bad word again)!” So obviously, my first thought was, “Wow, this guy is really rude.” then my second thought was, “Should I call the cops?” But what did I do instead? I just laughed at how funny this guy sounded, warning someone to hide because he was on his way to go beat them up. So I put on my headphones back on continued listening to Coldplay. I kept watching him to see if he was going to punch the wall or something, but instead he kept making these really strange facial expressions. I looked around to see if anyone else noticed but of course, I was the only one. His face kept twisting into these bizarre expressions until I realized, he didn’t have some abnormal mental disease, he was crying. He wasn’t just crying, he was bawling. I felt completely awful. By the time I noticed he was upset, it was 3rd and Washington, my stop. I walked out my door and passed his, and then all of a sudden he sticks his hand out the door next to him, smiles, waves to me and says goodbye. 

First of all, WHAT THE HECK!? How did he know I was watching him? Was it all an act or was he truly upset and just decided to say bye to me? Of course I had to be the only person who noticed him on the light rail. While I was freaking out, I tripped and fell. Awesome.

Final Thoughts: If this was all an act from this man, I wonder who’s attention he was trying to get?